what to do when someone is diagnosed with cancer

Supporting a Loved One Through a Cancer Diagnosis: What to Do and How to Help

Building upon the discussions in my recent blog post, the somber revelation of a loved one's cancer diagnosis has led me to direct this post to all those who now find themselves in the roles of loved ones and caretakers. Just like the person receiving the diagnosis, you, too, are on a rollercoaster of emotions and anticipations.

As we witness someone we care deeply about facing a daunting health diagnosis, it's common to feel a range of intense emotions swirling within, coupled with uncertainty about how to react. This post is dedicated to providing guidance and support to those who may be navigating the emotional turbulence accompanying this journey.

As caretakers and loved ones, your role is profound and vital. The journey ahead may present unexpected twists, and it's during these moments that resilience and strength are discovered. Vividly recalling the surreal nature of receiving the shocking call about my own diagnosis, and recently hearing the devastating diagnosis of my dear friend, I understand the emotional weight that comes with such news.

I get that it is tough to know the right way to respond to your loved one. One aspect that profoundly affected me during my own experience was the importance of the words shared by those around me. In my experience, the worst was to not say anything at all, next was hearing the word "sorry"; it put me straight into negative self-talk, feeling bad, down, and sorry for myself. However, saying "I'm sorry" is definitely better than not saying anything at all.

What helped was positivity. Without being a super-duper peppy cheerleader (because that can be annoying), offering simple words of positivity like "you got this" or even "this sucks, but you can get through it". Providing sincere and uplifting sentiments can make a significant difference in the emotional support you offer to your loved one.

Steps You Can Take and Ways to Respond to Your Loved One:

1. Open Communication: Initiate open and honest communication with your loved one. Create a safe space for them to express their feelings, fears, and hopes for the future. Example: Initiate communication by saying, "I want you to know that I'm here for you, and you can share anything with me. This is a safe space for you to express your feelings, fears, and hopes for the future. I'm ready to listen whenever you're ready to talk."

2. Active Listening: Be an attentive and empathetic listener. Allow your loved one to share their emotions without judgment. Sometimes, the simple act of listening can provide immense comfort. Example: Instead of offering immediate advice, say, "I'm here to listen. Take your time, and I'm here to support you in any way you need. Your feelings are valid."

3. Offer Emotional Support: Understand that your loved one may experience a range of emotions. Offer emotional support by reassuring them of your presence and willingness to help in any way. Example: Say, "I know this is tough, and it's okay to feel a mix of emotions. I'm here for you, and you don't have to go through this alone. Whenever you need someone to talk to or lean on, I'm here."

4. Respect Their Choices: Recognize that the person facing the diagnosis has the right to make decisions about their treatment and future. Respect their choices and provide support in line with their wishes. Example: Recognize that the person facing the diagnosis has the right to make decisions about their treatment and future by saying, "I respect whatever decisions you make regarding your treatment. I'm here to support you in the way that you feel is best for you."

5. Provide Practical Assistance: Offer practical assistance, such as accompanying them to medical appointments, helping with daily tasks, providing a nutritious meal, or coordinating support from friends and family. Example: Offer practical assistance by saying, "If you need someone to accompany you to medical appointments or help with daily tasks, please let me know. I can also coordinate support from friends and family. Your well-being is a priority, and I'm here to assist in any way I can."

6. Educate Yourself: Taking the time to educate yourself about the specific type of cancer your loved one is facing is a powerful way to offer informed support. Understand the basics of the diagnosis, treatment options, and potential side effects. This knowledge not only allows you to provide accurate information to your loved one but also helps you empathize with their experiences. Attend medical appointments with them if they are comfortable, take notes, and seek reliable sources of information. Being well-informed enables you to anticipate their needs, ask informed questions, and offer meaningful support during their medical journey.

7. Create Moments of Normalcy: Cancer diagnosis can bring significant changes to daily life, but creating moments of normalcy becomes crucial for maintaining emotional well-being. Find activities that bring joy to your loved one—whether it's watching a favorite movie, playing a board game, or simply sharing a cup of tea. Laughter is a powerful healer, so encourage light-hearted moments and reminisce about positive experiences you've shared. By focusing on the positive aspects of your relationship, you not only provide a sense of normalcy but also reinforce the strength of your connection. These shared moments become touchstones of joy amidst the challenges, offering respite and strengthening the bond you share.

8. Seek Support for Yourself: Caretaking can be emotionally demanding. Ensure you have your support network—friends, family, or professionals who can offer guidance and understanding. Sometimes, the complexity of grief may necessitate seeking professional help. Therapists, coaches, and counselors specializing in grief and loss can provide valuable support, offering coping strategies and a safe space to navigate the emotional landscape.

In the midst of uncertainty, remember that your unwavering support and compassionate presence can make a significant impact on your loved one's journey.

In my upcoming post, we'll navigate the intricate and emotionally demanding journey of being a caregiver and grieving someone who is still alive. The blog will delve into the various aspects of anticipatory grief, illuminate its profound impact, and provide guidance on discovering resilience amid the uncertainty.